Online Support

I found a website for family members of people with BPD.

FINALLY I will be able to talk with people who truly understand the insanity that my mother creates. (Someone other than my father (who has passed) or my sister, that is.)

The site is www.bpdfamily.com, and they seem to have busy message boards and lots of helpful info.
In fact, the first thing I read told me I was in the right place:
(from the "Symptoms ad Diagnostic Tests" page)
(The list is a bit longer, but I have copied the bits that obviously applies to my mother's behavior. Alas, this is still 2/3rds of their list. I can't speak to the other third -- because I don't know everything that goes on in her head.)

So here is my mother in a nutshell (via bpdfamily checklist):
* Other people are evil and abuse you;

* If someone fails to keep a promise, that person can no longer be trusted;

* If I trust someone, I run a great risk of getting hurt or disappointed;

* I will always be alone;

* I can't manage by myself, I need someone I can fall back on;

* There is no one who really cares about me, who will be available to help me, and whom I can fall back on;

* I don't really know what I want;

* I will never get what I want;

* I'm powerless and vulnerable and I can't protect myself;.

* Other people are not willing or helpful.


To the family members, BPD behavior is often very frustrating can feel unfair and punitive - something like this:

* You have been viewed as overly good and then overly bad;

* You have been the focus of unprovoked anger or hurtful actions, alternating with periods when the family member acts perfectly normal and very loving;

* Things that you have said or done have been twisted and used against you;

* You are accused of things you never did or said;

* You often find yourself defending and justifying your intentions;

* You find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you are not heard;

* You feel manipulated, controlled, and sometimes lied to.

Damn.

Everytime I start to think "Well, maybe it isn't BPD... maybe I am just exaggerating" ...I come upon information like that.

Bingo.