My therapist and a few other people have said: "If your mother's facebook posts annoy you that much, then why don't you block her? You just keep going back for more."
Well...two reasons:
(1) it is kind of an "early warning system" as to what she is starting to obsess about, and what she is going to try to throw at us next. We have a better idea if it is wise to just flat out ignore her, or if maybe....just maybe...it could be an actual problem ...and we might want to answer the phone.
(2) anytime I sit around thinking "Gosh and golly gee, maybe I am being mean. Maybe I am exaggerating all this...." I can go look at her recent posts and think: "Nope...still bonkers."
And...actually....
(3) I don't have the heart to block her, because that would cause her to not be able to see updates and photos of the grandkids. Since she is working on being helpless, she already only sees them about twice a year...even though she lives 30 miles away. If she ever starts inflicting The Wackiness around/to them, though...the blocks will go up fast.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Daily Memory Nugget
One of the things that makes me crazy on a daily basis is my mother's continual desire to be seen as "Poor her."
Her entire goal in life, it seems, is to have people feel sorry for her.
And ya never know what she is going to pick to try to make her life seem pathetic.
Many years ago she convinced several Internet friends that my father would never let her buy any deodorant or underwear (or other personal items for herself.)
Now, in truth, all she had to do was go to the store and buy them.
But that would have required her to do something for herself.
So...in reality...all she had to do was ASK my dad to pick these things up for her when he was at the store.
Did she?
Of course not.
....because it is more pathetic to be able to say she doesn't have any deodorant or underwear -- because her husband won't buy them for her.
She had these Internet friends so convinced that my father would NOT LET her have deodorant or new underwear, that several people actually sent her boxes in the mail -- filled with deodorant and underwear.
And, to her, this was validating.
I call it humiliating.
But she was thrilled, I am sure.
Her entire goal in life, it seems, is to have people feel sorry for her.
And ya never know what she is going to pick to try to make her life seem pathetic.
Many years ago she convinced several Internet friends that my father would never let her buy any deodorant or underwear (or other personal items for herself.)
Now, in truth, all she had to do was go to the store and buy them.
But that would have required her to do something for herself.
So...in reality...all she had to do was ASK my dad to pick these things up for her when he was at the store.
Did she?
Of course not.
....because it is more pathetic to be able to say she doesn't have any deodorant or underwear -- because her husband won't buy them for her.
She had these Internet friends so convinced that my father would NOT LET her have deodorant or new underwear, that several people actually sent her boxes in the mail -- filled with deodorant and underwear.
And, to her, this was validating.
I call it humiliating.
But she was thrilled, I am sure.
I Don't Speak BPD
A $1,000 gift certificate to Cheesecake Factory and a private date with George Clooney will be awarded to the person who can make sense of this text. She sent it to my sister earlier today:
"do I have key to house chris going to renfest of cours if I have emerge Iu won't ander phone eycpp"
What was that?
Did I hear someone say they doubted my prize?
I am offended, I tell you...OFFENDED!
Offended and shocked.
Yeah...that's it....offended and shocked and saddened by your complete lack of trust in me.
(goes to pout in corner)
Never-Ending Nag Story
Professionals and other people dealing with BPD parents keep telling us that the healthy thing to do for my mother...when she is out of control like this.. Is to ignore her.
"ignore her...ignore her...."
Can you ignore a Queen Bee that keeps buzzing in your face, eyes, and ears, and keeps trying to sting you no matter how much you try to pretend it isn't there -- or where you move to?
She will not stop.
With both my sister and I, she keeps texting, she keeps calling, she keeps leaving messages, she keeps emailing, she keeps posting obvious "family is supposed to be there for each other" status updates on Facebook, and then she calls, texts and posts some more.
THIS -- trying to get us to not ignore her -- is her new obsession.
And her obsessions have no bounds, and no definite time limits. They can go on weeks....months.... She is extremely determined. We've seen it before.
Her texts:
"please call"
"please call so my stress will get better..."
"please call me I wouldn't be calling and texting so much if you would give me a call."
"please call me this is killing me"
"please come see me..."
"do you know how much this hurts me and how stress it makes me when u wont call or come see me"
Facebook:
5 minutes ago: Stomach starting to hurt again. scared that my problems might start up again. I just need some of this stress off
28 minutes ago: waiting for phone call so i can sleep
(insert other updates about weather she is also obsessing about)
7 hours ago: MAY I ASK MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS WHEREVER YOU MAY BE, TO KINDLY COPY PASTE & SHARE THIS STATUS FOR 1 HOUR TO GIVE A PRAYER SUPPORT TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS,STRUGGLING,AND JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE CARES. I HOPE TO SEE THIS ON THE WALLS OF ALL MY FRIENDS! JUST FOR MORAL SUPPORT. I KNOW SOMEONE WILL...GOD BLESS
8 hours ago: Darn it so so tired. going tohave to lay down. Only got about 4 hours sleep again last night and could not go back to sleep with worry and anxiety. Had hoped to try and make it to church Can;t focus. Need things to get better in my life
12 hours ago: Family is supposed be there for you no matter what comes your way. Shame on the ones who are not, that's is not what family is about.
AND A FRIEND RESPONDS (and pisses me off): Yes, your family should always be there for you when you need them. Sometimes the young don't share the same values. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself the best you can. Doesn't sound like family is going to do much for you. So just be like "The Little Engine That Could", and don't expect the help. Then you won't be disappointed when you don't get any. Praying for you!
(insert other misc posts about Facebook games and tropical storms)
Last night: I guess from not being able to nap in days to being able to catch a half hour is progress. Still wish i would get some phone calls or visits
...and keep repeating a cycle of face books posts and emails and texts and calls like above.
For weeks now.
And it WILL continue.
She WILL NOT stop.
"ignore her...ignore her...."
Can you ignore a Queen Bee that keeps buzzing in your face, eyes, and ears, and keeps trying to sting you no matter how much you try to pretend it isn't there -- or where you move to?
She will not stop.
With both my sister and I, she keeps texting, she keeps calling, she keeps leaving messages, she keeps emailing, she keeps posting obvious "family is supposed to be there for each other" status updates on Facebook, and then she calls, texts and posts some more.
THIS -- trying to get us to not ignore her -- is her new obsession.
And her obsessions have no bounds, and no definite time limits. They can go on weeks....months.... She is extremely determined. We've seen it before.
Her texts:
"please call"
"please call so my stress will get better..."
"please call me I wouldn't be calling and texting so much if you would give me a call."
"please call me this is killing me"
"please come see me..."
"do you know how much this hurts me and how stress it makes me when u wont call or come see me"
Facebook:
5 minutes ago: Stomach starting to hurt again. scared that my problems might start up again. I just need some of this stress off
28 minutes ago: waiting for phone call so i can sleep
(insert other updates about weather she is also obsessing about)
7 hours ago: MAY I ASK MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS WHEREVER YOU MAY BE, TO KINDLY COPY PASTE & SHARE THIS STATUS FOR 1 HOUR TO GIVE A PRAYER SUPPORT TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS,STRUGGLING,AND JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE CARES. I HOPE TO SEE THIS ON THE WALLS OF ALL MY FRIENDS! JUST FOR MORAL SUPPORT. I KNOW SOMEONE WILL...GOD BLESS
8 hours ago: Darn it so so tired. going tohave to lay down. Only got about 4 hours sleep again last night and could not go back to sleep with worry and anxiety. Had hoped to try and make it to church Can;t focus. Need things to get better in my life
12 hours ago: Family is supposed be there for you no matter what comes your way. Shame on the ones who are not, that's is not what family is about.
AND A FRIEND RESPONDS (and pisses me off): Yes, your family should always be there for you when you need them. Sometimes the young don't share the same values. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself the best you can. Doesn't sound like family is going to do much for you. So just be like "The Little Engine That Could", and don't expect the help. Then you won't be disappointed when you don't get any. Praying for you!
(insert other misc posts about Facebook games and tropical storms)
Last night: I guess from not being able to nap in days to being able to catch a half hour is progress. Still wish i would get some phone calls or visits
...and keep repeating a cycle of face books posts and emails and texts and calls like above.
For weeks now.
And it WILL continue.
She WILL NOT stop.
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