My therapist and a few other people have said: "If your mother's facebook posts annoy you that much, then why don't you block her? You just keep going back for more."
Well...two reasons:
(1) it is kind of an "early warning system" as to what she is starting to obsess about, and what she is going to try to throw at us next. We have a better idea if it is wise to just flat out ignore her, or if maybe....just maybe...it could be an actual problem ...and we might want to answer the phone.
(2) anytime I sit around thinking "Gosh and golly gee, maybe I am being mean. Maybe I am exaggerating all this...." I can go look at her recent posts and think: "Nope...still bonkers."
And...actually....
(3) I don't have the heart to block her, because that would cause her to not be able to see updates and photos of the grandkids. Since she is working on being helpless, she already only sees them about twice a year...even though she lives 30 miles away. If she ever starts inflicting The Wackiness around/to them, though...the blocks will go up fast.
Showing posts with label obsess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label obsess. Show all posts
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Never-Ending Nag Story
Professionals and other people dealing with BPD parents keep telling us that the healthy thing to do for my mother...when she is out of control like this.. Is to ignore her.
"ignore her...ignore her...."
Can you ignore a Queen Bee that keeps buzzing in your face, eyes, and ears, and keeps trying to sting you no matter how much you try to pretend it isn't there -- or where you move to?
She will not stop.
With both my sister and I, she keeps texting, she keeps calling, she keeps leaving messages, she keeps emailing, she keeps posting obvious "family is supposed to be there for each other" status updates on Facebook, and then she calls, texts and posts some more.
THIS -- trying to get us to not ignore her -- is her new obsession.
And her obsessions have no bounds, and no definite time limits. They can go on weeks....months.... She is extremely determined. We've seen it before.
Her texts:
"please call"
"please call so my stress will get better..."
"please call me I wouldn't be calling and texting so much if you would give me a call."
"please call me this is killing me"
"please come see me..."
"do you know how much this hurts me and how stress it makes me when u wont call or come see me"
Facebook:
5 minutes ago: Stomach starting to hurt again. scared that my problems might start up again. I just need some of this stress off
28 minutes ago: waiting for phone call so i can sleep
(insert other updates about weather she is also obsessing about)
7 hours ago: MAY I ASK MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS WHEREVER YOU MAY BE, TO KINDLY COPY PASTE & SHARE THIS STATUS FOR 1 HOUR TO GIVE A PRAYER SUPPORT TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS,STRUGGLING,AND JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE CARES. I HOPE TO SEE THIS ON THE WALLS OF ALL MY FRIENDS! JUST FOR MORAL SUPPORT. I KNOW SOMEONE WILL...GOD BLESS
8 hours ago: Darn it so so tired. going tohave to lay down. Only got about 4 hours sleep again last night and could not go back to sleep with worry and anxiety. Had hoped to try and make it to church Can;t focus. Need things to get better in my life
12 hours ago: Family is supposed be there for you no matter what comes your way. Shame on the ones who are not, that's is not what family is about.
AND A FRIEND RESPONDS (and pisses me off): Yes, your family should always be there for you when you need them. Sometimes the young don't share the same values. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself the best you can. Doesn't sound like family is going to do much for you. So just be like "The Little Engine That Could", and don't expect the help. Then you won't be disappointed when you don't get any. Praying for you!
(insert other misc posts about Facebook games and tropical storms)
Last night: I guess from not being able to nap in days to being able to catch a half hour is progress. Still wish i would get some phone calls or visits
...and keep repeating a cycle of face books posts and emails and texts and calls like above.
For weeks now.
And it WILL continue.
She WILL NOT stop.
"ignore her...ignore her...."
Can you ignore a Queen Bee that keeps buzzing in your face, eyes, and ears, and keeps trying to sting you no matter how much you try to pretend it isn't there -- or where you move to?
She will not stop.
With both my sister and I, she keeps texting, she keeps calling, she keeps leaving messages, she keeps emailing, she keeps posting obvious "family is supposed to be there for each other" status updates on Facebook, and then she calls, texts and posts some more.
THIS -- trying to get us to not ignore her -- is her new obsession.
And her obsessions have no bounds, and no definite time limits. They can go on weeks....months.... She is extremely determined. We've seen it before.
Her texts:
"please call"
"please call so my stress will get better..."
"please call me I wouldn't be calling and texting so much if you would give me a call."
"please call me this is killing me"
"please come see me..."
"do you know how much this hurts me and how stress it makes me when u wont call or come see me"
Facebook:
5 minutes ago: Stomach starting to hurt again. scared that my problems might start up again. I just need some of this stress off
28 minutes ago: waiting for phone call so i can sleep
(insert other updates about weather she is also obsessing about)
7 hours ago: MAY I ASK MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS WHEREVER YOU MAY BE, TO KINDLY COPY PASTE & SHARE THIS STATUS FOR 1 HOUR TO GIVE A PRAYER SUPPORT TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS,STRUGGLING,AND JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE CARES. I HOPE TO SEE THIS ON THE WALLS OF ALL MY FRIENDS! JUST FOR MORAL SUPPORT. I KNOW SOMEONE WILL...GOD BLESS
8 hours ago: Darn it so so tired. going tohave to lay down. Only got about 4 hours sleep again last night and could not go back to sleep with worry and anxiety. Had hoped to try and make it to church Can;t focus. Need things to get better in my life
12 hours ago: Family is supposed be there for you no matter what comes your way. Shame on the ones who are not, that's is not what family is about.
AND A FRIEND RESPONDS (and pisses me off): Yes, your family should always be there for you when you need them. Sometimes the young don't share the same values. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself the best you can. Doesn't sound like family is going to do much for you. So just be like "The Little Engine That Could", and don't expect the help. Then you won't be disappointed when you don't get any. Praying for you!
(insert other misc posts about Facebook games and tropical storms)
Last night: I guess from not being able to nap in days to being able to catch a half hour is progress. Still wish i would get some phone calls or visits
...and keep repeating a cycle of face books posts and emails and texts and calls like above.
For weeks now.
And it WILL continue.
She WILL NOT stop.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Today's Obsession Chart
Mother has been working overtime today on Facebook.
From morning to now, her concerns/obsessions are as follows:
(times are approximate)
It is also interesting to note that NO ONE commented on any of her updates. All her Facebook friends are obviously over it.
10:00am: She says she is having "health issues" again today. For unknown reasons she also declares she doesn't want to unpack her medications (you know, the ones she packed in case she had to flee from Hurricane Irene). Also "family concerns" keep her stressed. This of course refers to the fact we are no longer playing her game -- and she has no idea what to do about it.
11:00am: Time to worry about her blood sugar levels. And a reference to the fact that "other people" have made mistakes with insulin shots and, luckily for them, had someone around to call 911. This is not a simple statement. It is a warning to my sister and I that if she has a problem with her diabetes, we will be to blame -- cause we weren't there.
11:00am(ish): Now she worries that if power goes out, she will lose her landline phone.
11:00am(ish)(again): She comments on how other people are without power. Seems relatively harmless until she gets to the part about how some of those people are with family or friends. This is a reminder to us (daughters) that she was not at one of our houses during the non-event (for her) was Hurricane Irene. (She didn't even lose power.)
12:00noon: More comments on how she is afraid to unpack her meds and such, followed by a mention of an earthquake aftershock she didn't feel.
2:00pm: Since she can't obsess about not having power herself, she has decided to do it for unknown others. She says it could be weeks before they get power back, etc etc etc yada yada yada and that if gas stations are out of power people can't get gas for generators.
2:00pm(ish): She now posts several news links about hurricane damage.
4:00pm: She now needs to post about notifications she is getting that street lights in the area are out. Since it is unlikely she is going anywhere, I am not sure why this worries her, personally.
4:00pm(ish): Back to her health. She is getting extremely tired, and hopes it passes, she says ominously.
7:00pm: She sent an email announcing that a tropical storm could be forming in the same place Irene formed. She guesses we have 5-7 more days. Translation: 5-7 more days of a brand, spankin new thing to obsess about.
From morning to now, her concerns/obsessions are as follows:
(times are approximate)
It is also interesting to note that NO ONE commented on any of her updates. All her Facebook friends are obviously over it.
10:00am: She says she is having "health issues" again today. For unknown reasons she also declares she doesn't want to unpack her medications (you know, the ones she packed in case she had to flee from Hurricane Irene). Also "family concerns" keep her stressed. This of course refers to the fact we are no longer playing her game -- and she has no idea what to do about it.
11:00am: Time to worry about her blood sugar levels. And a reference to the fact that "other people" have made mistakes with insulin shots and, luckily for them, had someone around to call 911. This is not a simple statement. It is a warning to my sister and I that if she has a problem with her diabetes, we will be to blame -- cause we weren't there.
11:00am(ish): Now she worries that if power goes out, she will lose her landline phone.
11:00am(ish)(again): She comments on how other people are without power. Seems relatively harmless until she gets to the part about how some of those people are with family or friends. This is a reminder to us (daughters) that she was not at one of our houses during the non-event (for her) was Hurricane Irene. (She didn't even lose power.)
12:00noon: More comments on how she is afraid to unpack her meds and such, followed by a mention of an earthquake aftershock she didn't feel.
2:00pm: Since she can't obsess about not having power herself, she has decided to do it for unknown others. She says it could be weeks before they get power back, etc etc etc yada yada yada and that if gas stations are out of power people can't get gas for generators.
2:00pm(ish): She now posts several news links about hurricane damage.
4:00pm: She now needs to post about notifications she is getting that street lights in the area are out. Since it is unlikely she is going anywhere, I am not sure why this worries her, personally.
4:00pm(ish): Back to her health. She is getting extremely tired, and hopes it passes, she says ominously.
7:00pm: She sent an email announcing that a tropical storm could be forming in the same place Irene formed. She guesses we have 5-7 more days. Translation: 5-7 more days of a brand, spankin new thing to obsess about.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Never Ending Hurricane Obsession
A Facebook friend -- who shall remain nameless -- just sent me the best message about how my mother has been over-obsessing about the hurricane (and anything else she can think of).
It was the best thing I've read in days. Truly. I snorted.
I may have peed a little.
"Poor [her] survived the hurricane and is praying for a tornado to pop up in DC so she can have another day to worry."
It always warms the cockles of my heart when someone who knows us both truly understands.
It was the best thing I've read in days. Truly. I snorted.
I may have peed a little.
"Poor [her] survived the hurricane and is praying for a tornado to pop up in DC so she can have another day to worry."
It always warms the cockles of my heart when someone who knows us both truly understands.
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