Today's Obsession Chart

Mother has been working overtime today on Facebook.

From morning to now, her concerns/obsessions are as follows:
(times are approximate)
It is also interesting to note that NO ONE commented on any of her updates. All her Facebook friends are obviously over it.

10:00am: She says she is having "health issues" again today. For unknown reasons she also declares she doesn't want to unpack her medications (you know, the ones she packed in case she had to flee from Hurricane Irene). Also "family concerns" keep her stressed. This of course refers to the fact we are no longer playing her game -- and she has no idea what to do about it.

11:00am: Time to worry about her blood sugar levels. And a reference to the fact that "other people" have made mistakes with insulin shots and, luckily for them, had someone around to call 911. This is not a simple statement. It is a warning to my sister and I that if she has a problem with her diabetes, we will be to blame -- cause we weren't there.

11:00am(ish): Now she worries that if power goes out, she will lose her landline phone.

11:00am(ish)(again): She comments on how other people are without power. Seems relatively harmless until she gets to the part about how some of those people are with family or friends. This is a reminder to us (daughters) that she was not at one of our houses during the non-event (for her) was Hurricane Irene. (She didn't even lose power.)

12:00noon: More comments on how she is afraid to unpack her meds and such, followed by a mention of an earthquake aftershock she didn't feel.

2:00pm: Since she can't obsess about not having power herself, she has decided to do it for unknown others. She says it could be weeks before they get power back, etc etc etc yada yada yada and that if gas stations are out of power people can't get gas for generators.

2:00pm(ish): She now posts several news links about hurricane damage.

4:00pm: She now needs to post about notifications she is getting that street lights in the area are out. Since it is unlikely she is going anywhere, I am not sure why this worries her, personally.

4:00pm(ish): Back to her health. She is getting extremely tired, and hopes it passes, she says ominously.

7:00pm: She sent an email announcing that a tropical storm could be forming in the same place Irene formed. She guesses we have 5-7 more days. Translation: 5-7 more days of a brand, spankin new thing to obsess about.

Drama Infinity

For your entertainment (?), I present to you:

A timeline of "Mother drama" for the past couple weeks:
(read as if mother is talking)

* So sick...so sick...need someone to get groceries. (problem solved, when sister went)
...merged immediately into...

* So sick...so sick...need someone to take over the bills.  (We ignored the request, so this begging drama went on for days and then turned into....)

* So sick...so sick...need to tell you important information about the bills.  Come talk to me.  Come to my house.  Can't tell you over phone or in email.  Come over.  (Days of nagging, begging, pleading drama.  My sister finally went and found mother to be energetic with no real info to tell.  She had won the battle of control.)

....but....that "crisis" solved, she IMMEDIATELY started on....

*. Ohmygosh a REAL crisis could happen! A hurricane might come at the end of the week!  Obsess obsess obsess....

...then distracted mid-hurricane-obsession by....

*. EARTHQUAKE!!   Hysteria!  Obsession!

....then right back to....

* HURRICANE COMING!!!  Help...so sick...can't do things!  What if windows blow out? What if a tree falls!  What if the power goes out? What if the cell phone doesn't work? What if...what if...what if...

....this continued for days until about two hours ago, when she can no longer legitimately (?) obsess about the hurricane.  So now we had to FIND SOMETHING to create drama about...  So we have moved onto...

*. Can't stand the dust smell in the house. Need someone to change the filters.  Please come...can't stand the smell...please come...     (WTH?   This isnt just a request, of course.... It is a new crisis.  How does she come up with this stuff???)

....and

* They say trees can fall cause ground is wet. And tornados can still happen in [county far away].

What is next if/when someone changes her filters or she decides to move on to a new crisis?  

It is anybody's guess.

Hurricane Homegirl

This is [one of] the text message(s) my mother sent to my sister this afternoon.

It is important to note that use of the word "homey" ....uh....I mean "honey" and references to "I love you" are brand spankin new to her vocabulary.  Again, a total change of game play.

Homey I am scared I cant do stuff insane to becauth u Indian u cared iblovecu uvarevonle ones that can grab cats have suuppliesvhsve told u that but undone want us scared have virtually everything ready theyvsaid on news thing Stsrt to go downhill by 2pmhow why do I have to beg love u

Since she didn't speak Crazy today, my sister sent it to me to interpret.
I put into Google Translate and got two possible translations:

(1). Honey, I am scared.  I can't do stuff. [I have no idea] [I have no idea].  you are the only one who can grab the cats.  I have supplies. [I have no idea] but you dont want us.  Scared.  Have virtually everything ready.  They've said on the news that it will start to go downhill by 2:00pm tomorrow.  Why do I have to beg?  Love you.

(2). Yo!  Homey!  I be freakin.  Dis shit be insane like Indian attackin' a white boy.  I be all over u wit love, but u need to git dem pussycats.  I have da goods. But you be dissin' me.  And I freakin'.  It be gettin ghetto bad tomorrow.  You my homegirl!

I think either translation is valid as they both convey panic and unprecedented affection.

Alternate Reality

Still in the grips of prime hurricane Irene obsession mode, my mother is posting Facebook updates and/or concerns approximately every 8.2 seconds.
(It's possible I might be exaggerating this time frame. Every 10.9 seconds is probably more accurate. *cough*)

So...today she writes that she hopes her windows don't blow out.
[insert eye-roll emoticon here]
Ok. If a trim limb falls the wrong way a window could break.
But nothing is going to "blow out". Her area will not be evacuated. It is unlikely she would even be flooded.

Of course, this isn't the best part.
The best part is that she wrote she is afraid of a power outage (ok)...and that....(wait for it) she remembers "being without electric for years."

Really?
Years?

When was this? That decade during her formative years when the family lived in a remote shack in the back woods of Ohio, and cooked their self-shot squirrel using only sticks and rocks as fuel?

Please.
She was born, raised, and has always lived in a suburban home with full electricity and indoor plumbing.

And Now We Have to Obsess About,,,,

....hurricane Irene headed towards the east coast.

Thank goodness for the hurricane, though, or she would still be posting constant facebook comments about yesterday's earthquake.

Any disaster is a good distaster, in her opinion. A prime reason to get excited and obsess. Not that she wishes people ill....that is not it. It is...THE DRAMA. Drama is the best way to live. I think it is the only way she truly feels alive.

She checks all the weather forecasts, finds the one that predicts the most severe conditions -- then obsesses on the possible damage.

Out of nowhere, apparently, she suddenly has several hundred dollars ($500 to be exact) to buy a generator. And, naturally, she wants my sister or myself to go out and buy it for her.

She knows we are likely to say no (due to recent "disowning" events), so she added in that she hoped $500 could mean she could buy one for us too.

Now..it is true I'd like a generator. Losing a fridge full of food is never good. And, being an Internet junkie...I think the router might "accidentally" get plugged into it too.
But accept one from her? No. It comes with too many conditions.

If she has $500 she needs to pay a bill and stop constantly posting on Facebook that she is too poor to keep utilities on or buy food.

A Battle in the War

And the winner is........



....my mother.



After DAYS of bugging the shit out of my sister, INSISTING...DEMANDING...via sobbing voice mails and dozens of pleading text messages that she/we come over because she needed to tell us things "before she went" and/or "before the authorities took her away"....my sister finally gave in and went.

My mother had about 30 seconds of info she told her. Info we already knew.
She also seemed energetic and clear-headed.
She also managed to get in criticisms of "if only you girls would clean this house" (never mind that we have...many times...and it is trashed again in a week because she won't clean anything. Literally.)

Her goal was clear.
She wanted to see If she still had manipulative control over either of us.
My sister gave in and went.
So she does.
And she won.

Someday she will actually need help...and we won't go.
Because, again, the Wolf wasnt there.
She didn't need saved.

Drama du jour

My mother has decided she is dying.
Again.
Or maybe I should say "still."

She has been to two doctors (primary and gastrointeroligist) in the past week....both of whom say she has a stomach virus, and gave her antibiotics.

When she pushes them (making their staff so crazy that they know her instantly) the doctor says "I can't do anything else for you." and then, when she pushes more, they then say: "go to the ER."
She has been texting and leaving melodramatic voice mails for my sister, saying how sick she is, and how she needs my sister's help with....something.

Every Facebook post in the last several days has begun or ended with "so sick" and gone on to talk about whatever she thinks will make her sound the most helpless.

(A mutual friend actually wrote to me yesterday asking if my mother was really as sick as she kept saying. "She sounds so pathetic" she said,)

My sister keeps offering to take her to the hospital if she thinks she is that sick.
My mother flat out won't respond to offers to take her to the hospital...she acts as if it was never said.
Why? Because that isn't dramatic enough....and someone might not remember to bring her laptop -- meaning she wouldn't have constant Internet access.

("I just want to go to a hospital with cable and Internet" was a recent declaration by her. However, whenever someone offers to take her to the hospital, she won't answer....cause a trip to the hospital is not in her current manipulation agenda. It also shows that she is basically thinking of a hospital like a hotel. Cause let me tell you...anyone who is as sick as she is pretending to be, isn't gonna give a crap if there is cable and Internet. They'd just want to be treated, sleep, and get well.)

So...anyway....she is leaving messages (voice mails and texts) every couple of hours or more....begging for my sister to come over and "talk" about stuff that, frankly, my sister either has no information about...or that doesn't need decided right now.

Today's voice mail:
(Note: it is important to read this as if it is being spoken in the most melodramatic way possible. Imagine someone who is working really hard to sound like they are hysterical and panicked...and is forcing out sobs to sound like they can't stop crying.)
"Kathy...please please come over. I need to talk to you about the bills and the IRS and stuff cause even if I don't go right away we need to talk about what will happen with the bills and your brother and the cats....please come Kathy, please come..."

In other words, she wants to give a dramatic presentation.
At this, my sister again offered to take her to the hospital. She ignores that. It is not part of today's agenda.

The Irony

The ironic thing about trying to discuss life with a BPD person is that, by time the "crisis du jour" is over, you are so emotionally exhausted you lack the strength to tell the story.

Even though I apparently remain disowned by my mother, she is now asking (via my husband) that I handle all her bills for her. Now, if she were a normal person, this would not be a big deal. But I know how this would play out.
All it would take is one phone call from me saying "You can't go to McDonalds every day this week, because I just sent out your bills and you have $50" for her to go ballistic.
She would scream about her financial problems as if I caused them...and then...within weeks...would start accusing me of stealing from her.
I could patiently itemize where every single one of her dollars went -- and she would still decide I had stolen money from her bank account.

Needless to say, even though this is a task I would do for her if she treated me with a shred of decency...since she persists in referring to me as "the other daughter who won't help me" (if at all), it is fair to say I am not going to jump at the chance to interact with her on a semi-daily basis.

There are only so many times I will volunteer to get into a boxing ring and stand frozen while someone beats the shit out of me. And this ain't one of them.